per·cep·tion/pərˈsep-shən/
| Noun: |
| |
| Synonyms: | realization - understanding - comprehension | |
I've been struggling a lot with perception lately. It's definition makes it sound pretty simple, but in reality, it's not. C.S. Lewis said "what you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing; it also depends on what sort of person you are." This is where things get complicated. Every person sees things differently, and therefore perceives things differently. My struggle with perception stems from the vast changes I have encountered over the past two years. I have been off work since September 2009, became a parent in April 2010, left the city I grew up in in August 2010, and became officially unemployed (according to the government at least) in July 2011. I am still myself but my priorities, and thereby my perception has changed. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a cook. I am a housekeeper. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am an individual, however my individuality has taken a back burner to the other facets of my self. I still have thoughts, and feelings, and ideas, and plans. The thing is, that by the time I'm done doing all of the things that I NEED to do each and every day, there is no time left to do the things that I WANT to do. I am completely consumed by being a mother, wife, cook, housekeeper, daughter, and sister that there is no time or energy left to do anything for myself. I wouldn't even be writing this entry right now had my husband not handed me the laptop and banished me to our bedroom to take a break while he takes care of the kids. I feel guilty for wanting to take time for myself but as he continuously informs me, "he has to be at work all day so getting to spend time with the boys is a nice change of pace". This is yet another example of the fact that perceptions are as different as the people they belong to. Taking care of the boys feels like work to me. It's what I do all day (and sometimes all night), every day. I guess it's all in how you look at things. Contrary to what I might think, getting to take a shower is not sufficient "me time". I need to take time to paint, and write, and work out, and listen to music, and do all of the things that I used to do when I had more time than I knew what to do with.
Doing these things will likely solve the other issue I've been having with perception; that my self, as an individual doesn't matter. I had a boss once that didn't like to be disturbed. If you poked your head into her office for any reason you were greeted with "is there a fire?". She made it clear that unless you or some part of the building were burning, you didn't matter. Lately I've been feeling like the only thing anyone ever wants to know about is what the boys have been up to. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys to death, but sometimes it would be nice to have somebody ask how I am! If I'm not talking about the boys I might as well not be talking at all because I'm about as significant and relevant as acid washed jeans. I've tried changing the subject but it always seems to loop back around to the boys or just fizzle out all together. So, I've come to the conclusion that I need to start standing somewhere else and see what the view is like. If it's no good I need to keep trying new vantage points until things start to look better. As Tom Robbins said, "one has not only an ability to perceive the world but an ability to alter one's perception of it; more simply, one can change things by the manner in which one looks at them." I guess really, what it comes down to, is that people are not one dimensional, and they want to be validated in all aspects of themselves. So next time you talk to a friend or a relative don't just tell them all about yourself and call it a day, make sure you ask how they are, and really listen to what they have to say. They could be fighting a silent battle with their perceptions and need you to show them that they are significant and relevant.
xoxo Morgan
